Including or Inviting?

    It is typical to find a section on "inclusive language" in communication textbooks. Inclusive language is language that refers to people without dividing them by characteristics. In The Art of Public Speaking Steven Lucas uses the example of a business leaders who thanks the company employees and their spouses and partners. The underlying message: It doesn't matter who you are married to or live with, they all make the same sacrifices when employees work overtime. This type of language recognizes that different lives can receive the same recognition.

    What to do when the differences are the point of your message? You use inviting language. Not so much in the terms you use, but in the message itself. So you may not be able to say "We are going to change the world" when asking someone to join your cause, but you can say "Together we could change the world." This seems like common sense, but it is uncommon to hear a message that empathizes with others while disagreeing. Try it. It will help you avoid a lot of heated discussions while still making your point.

Award Icebreaker

Do you need a simple icebreaker? Here's one I have adapted for use in my Presentation Speaking course. It's a lot of fun, and should make the participants and the event more memorable. It will also help start things in a positive manner.

Have participants pair up and interview each other. But they should be looking for a theme. The idea is that rather than just introducing each other to the group, interview partners will create an imaginary award and present, using materials from their partners' lives. For example, one member of the group might be into mountain climbing, skiing, and skydiving. Their partner could create the "Daredevil" award for them.

This is a quick way to zero in on just one outstanding point in the life of a participant, and keeps the introductions short and on-track. Should people want to approach each other on your breaks, they already have conversation topics ready. Try it, you'll love the great mood it generates.

Polarize or Probe?

    You know there are people around you who profoundly disagree with you on matters of politics, religion, health, finance, morality, asthetics, cuisine, and sports. You are convinced that one or two of these items are matters of life or death. You are determined to enlighten your less advanced brethren (and sistern). You immediately begin speaking up. You encounter instant resistance and hostility. Time for a new approach.

    You want honest dialog, right? You would like your colleagues to see the error of their ways. Sooo...don't come out and declare yourself so quickly. When you walk up to someone and push them, there first reaction is to push back, right? You force them to take a strong stance. So it goes with discussions. Try this instead. Let's say that your friend is just convinced that candidate A is just about perfect. Start out closer to his position, using a statement like, "You're sure you're voting for A, aren't you? Would you say her views are exactly like yours on most issues?" Bring out a couple of differences in a cordial manner. Discuss these issues first. The key here is to identify possible points where your discussion partner does see weaknesses in their position, and to encourage them to spend time thinking about them.

    Warning here: DON"T OVERDO IT! Most of the effect of this type of discussion will be internal. If you appear to be pushing an advantage or gloating, it's Game Over. Just draw your friend into taking a look at another side of an issue. Considering how human beings actually operate, that is plenty to accomplish in one day. Never forget that you can always have another talk with someone you are getting along with.

Leave 'em hangin'

    Here's a good way to boost attention to your next speech or presentation. Start with a story that sets up the problem you are addressing. For instance, on of my students told the story of a baby who displayed all normal behaviors for his first few weeks of life, then stopped responding as expected. She went on to explain that he was suffering with autism. Her speech told us what autism is, who is affected by it, and possible causes. Only after we had followed her full talk did she reveal to us that the child she mentioned has been gradually improving, integrating well into the daily life of a youngster. We were drawn in to the speech and stayed with the speaker by the fact that the story was dramatic, and unfinished.

    How does this work? It's based on something called the Ziegarnik effect, described by a psychologist in the 1920's. Basically the Ziegarnik effect makes unfinished things easier to remember. So you start with a story, but do not tell us how it works out. That story stays in our minds, and we follow every word hoping for resolution. Meanwhile, you have us listening to all the other information we need.

    My Fun Friday advice this week? When you want to keep our attention, leave something unfinished. Use the Ziegar...