And Your Point is...?

Him:  Do you think we could have a whole conversation that is only questions?

Her:  Why do you want to know?

Him:  Aren’t you the least bit curious?

Her:  Do you have time to try it?

Him:  What else have we got to do?

Her:  Where should we start?

Him:  Isn’t it a little late to ask that?

Her:  Is that the time?

Him:  Are you going?

Her:  What do you think?

Him:  See you tomorrow?

What are Your Standards?

Our fear of speaking in front of a group is partly based on our own mindset, especially the idea that we are not worthy to be heard.  Do NOT compare yourself to a famous speaker or your favorite speaker.  You are unique.  I am not saying your are perfect the way you are, just that we all have our strengths and you are no exception.  If you try to imitate someone else you may cover up your best traits.  You may also fall prey to the "I could never" type of statements that will create discouragement for no reason.  "I could never be that funny" or "I could never remember a whole speech in front of all those people".

Does this mean that anything you do will be good enough?  Well, there are some things we want to strive for, like good grammar, logical presentation, and an understanding of our audience.  But once those are in place our style should not be judged by the things someone else is doing.  If you aren't convinced yet go to YouTube and compare the comedy styles of the monotone Stephen Wright with the sometimes frantic ravings of Brian Regan.  Neither one of these pros sounds like the other, yet they are both successful at getting laughs.

There is an upside to watching how the best do their jobs.  It is the chance to observe and learn.  We can watch them recover from mistakes, improvise, and adapt to changing situations.  We can get free lessons, but let's not get caught up in the comparison game.  It will only add to our feeling that we're not good enough.

This week's step to overcoming your fear of speaking was mainly about things to avoid.  Next week will be about the best mindset you can adopt to shrink your anxiety.  After that we will get into the nuts and bolts of preparing and practicing.

Be sure and leave a comment below so that I can address any questions or topic requests you have.

In the meantime -  Be Bold. Be Heard.

Make it Easy to Remember

One of the factors that contributes to the fear of public speaking is the daunting task of trying to remember everything you want to say. You may have memories of finishing a presentation only to say “I forgot to tell them…”, or worse yet, you may be afraid you are going to blank out and forget your whole speech.  This may even have happened already.

First, let’s adjust your mindset a bit; then we’ll be able to lighten the load a lot.  There are two things you should keep in mind as you prepare your speech that will make preparation a joy rather than a burden.  Once we learn to base our planning on these we will take a very different path from the method of writing out every word then delivering every sentence from memory exactly as it is written down.  So here’s the big “secret”:  The audience doesn’t know what you’re going to say.  They don’t care if you use the exact words you practice with, as long as they get your meaning.  Therefore, there is no point in planning every word of the speech precisely.  Yes, punchlines, legal formulas, definitions, and quotes better be right, but other than that you just need to be sure you get across your meaning.  I have had students use this plan to learn a speech.  When they spoke they would sometimes substitute one word for another but then backtrack to correct themselves.  It might go something like this:  “If you’re going to start a business it might be wise to consult a lawyer, I mean an attorney”, which sounds awkward.  It also lets the audience know that you are focused on the words rather than their meaning.  This can be a signal that you are merely repeating phrases you don’t understand.  So let’s get you into something bit more comfortable, and practical.

Alright, you say, my old method may have been hard, but at least it was a method.  Now you tell me not to use it.  What have you got?  So glad you asked.  I use the preparation period as the time I memorize my speech.  And here’s another secret:  I DON’T memorize my speech.  I memorize parts of it.  Here’s how it works.

First, I come up with one sentence that is the main point of my talk, my thesis, you could say.  I do this before any other prep because if I don’t know what my point is I can hardly decide what to use during planning, can I?  This should be something that can be stated in one sentence.  This is the guiding idea of our presentation so it should make a nice summary.  There is the first thing I memorize – my point.  One sentence.  You can do that.  Try it now with some topic you’d like to speak on, and write it down.  Now.  Before you forget or start making excuses.

Next, as you gather your thoughts and your materials you will begin to decide what your main points will be.  Maybe they need to go in a specific order, but that’s a different blog post.  Right now we just know that we’ve come up with three or four supporting points or arguments that will make up your talk.  Each of those points should have a couple of key words in them.  Find those keywords.  They are your next assignment.  Once you have picked them out of the lineup, so to speak,  You will have an quick time keeping them in mind.

Here’s a real-life example.  I once gave a talk to several hundred young people.  I was told the topic was to be friendship.  The main idea of the talk was that there were some specific ways to chose friends.  The three points I made were there are people you it is good to be friends with, people it is not wise to be friends with, and people who need you to be their friend.  I boiled these sentences down to the keywords should, shouldn’t, and need.  If you are counting with me you know I have memorized one sentence and three keywords.  If I really know the meaning of my message this should take me very far.  I wrote these keywords on a 3x5” note card with a Sharpie in letters so large I could read them three feet away with my glasses off, which I ended up doing because I move around when I speak.  But I didn’t really need the card, because it was easy to remember my thoughts.  I simply wrapped up my keywords in similar sentences like “there are people you should be friends with”,  and “there are the ones you shouldn’t be friends with.”

So there you have a great start on learning your material.  Get a clear message first, know the ideas behind it.  If the topic already has meaning for you the keywords should be enough to bring out your message as it does mine.
This is a good stopping point for this blog.  Obviously there is more to building a speech, but remember, this blog is about memorizing one.  We are attacking the biggest source of fears first.  

And besides, you haven’t done you homework, have you?  I want you to pick two or three topics, sum up a message in one sentence, then write several other sentences to support that message.  Once that’s all written down for one topic, see how quickly you can recall your topic sentence  and you keywords. Turn your paper over and try to say them out loud.  
 If you put complete sentences together from your recall of the keywords you will have given a short speech!

Let me know in the comments of any questions or snags that come up as you work through this method this week.

Nervous? Hide in Plain Sight

“Never let ‘em see you sweat.” – Anti-perspirant commercial.

Early in this series I am going to give you one of the biggest secrets to overcoming your fear of speaking:  They won’t know you’re nervous if you don’t tell them.  This is great news for you, because you are going to draw attention to your message, and not yourself – see the next blog entry for details.  That means you won’t stand up and say “Oh, I am so nervous”, “I just hate doing this”, or “I’ve never done this before”.

If you did the homework I assigned in the last blog you know how to prep in such a way that you have your speech memorized and at your fingertips.  In the next bog you will learn how to be confident that you message is important to your audience.  For now we will assume that your listeners are interested – they want to hear what you have to say.  Don’t derail that flow of attention by diverting back to your personal circumstance.  No one came to hear about your inner turmoil.  Yes, there are a few tells that might indicate nerves, but they can be minimized.

Are your hands shaking?  Rest one on the podium or use it to hold a notepad or other item that might hold a short speech outline.  Gesture with it.  You might even pass it from hand to hand at times, giving you a chance to steady both hands.
Is your voice wavering?  Pump up the volume.  Put some real force behind it.  

Whatever you do, keep talking.  Get your message across.  

After the first couple of minutes you will find the nerves subside quite a bit, if you have prepared well.  Yes, you will always be a little nervous before every speech you give, but every time you finish strong you will reinforce your belief that you can speak in front of a group.

This entry I am giving you a pass on the homework, but it will be back.  Until then, pick out a favorite joke or fun fact, and tell it in front of the largest group you can find, in the lunchroom, the fellowship hall, or even waiting in line to pay for your groceries.

Let me know in the comments what the result was.

Umm..About Those Pauses...

Take my hand. I am about to lead you away from the trap we all fall into from time to time:  the vocalized pause.  You have heard famous people caught in it – the use of um and other filler syllables.  Yikes!  What’s happening with these?

We tend to use filler when we are afraid we will lose things, either the audience, our train of thought or both.  It may seem to us as if a pause in speaking stretches out for a long time and the listeners will grow restless.  Or that hearing our own words will help us remember what came next.  The problem of forgetting a speech shouldn’t come up for us, since we have learned how to easily learn the content we have planned in the last blog entry.

What about that audience attention span?  They are likely to stay with you for as long as they think there is something to be gained.  If you keep them anticipating you can afford short pauses.  The breaks will give the group time to absorb the points you have already made.  They will signal the start of a new point.  They will mark each statement as important enough to think about.

How do you break free?  Here is a plan based on the homework you did when you set up your main points.  Practice stating your thesis as a single sentence, then silently count to three.  Speak your first main point in one sentence, and count again.  Do this several times to cover your thesis and main points.  Be sure to end each statement with a falling, not rising inflection.  If you make everything sound like a question you will sound like you are asking the audience’s approval.  You are not asking, you are telling.  Make your point, let it hit home, then move on.  If you get used to doing this you should be able to replace um with nothing more than a very brief silence.  Instead of losing your audience you will win them over with your confidence.  Be bold.  Be heard.

Just Listen toYourself

Want to get better at speaking in a hurry?  Do it as often as you can.  Feel like you're not ready?  Don't worry, that feeling is partly wrong.  You will always feel a bit of it.  More on that later.  For now, just get started.

How?  Ask for volunteers from your group of family and friends.  Put a bunch of stuffed animals on a couch if you have to.  But gather an audience.  The point is to speak out loud.  Do it from only a small set of notes (if you must use notes at all).  

Why does it have to be out loud?  You are checking yourself out, and there are some things you have to hear.  How strong is your voice?  Are you delivering in a monotone?  Can you pronounce all the words in your material?  Are you saying "um" a lot?  Find out now, before these all become bad habits.

If You Believe, They Believe

There is a funny connection between the things that make you feel confident and the things that make your audience believe in you.  They are the same.  That's right.  Psychology tells us that your feeling of confidence comes from feeling competent and feeling worthy.  And your credibility with an audience comes when they judge that you are capable enough to talk about your subject and that you are a good enough person to tell them the truth.  Do you see the connection?  The first is how you view yourself in two areas, the second is how the audience rates you on the same scales.  This means that you can boost your confidence and your credibility with your listeners at the same time.

Sure, Dean, but HOW?  Prep.  Make sure you do know what you're talking about.  Be ethical enough to give the audience enough accurate information to leave your talk or presentation informed or persuaded beyond doubt.  Be prepared enough to present in a lively, interesting manner.  This is one of the reasons that putting in the work well before a speech helps calm your nerves.  Yes, you will still a bit jittery but that is not the same as  feeling lost because you are not ready to go on stage.  Prep early, then your last-minute rehearsals actually remind you that you can recall and deliver your material like a pro.  Everything will come naturally, intonations, gestures, eye contact will all flow.  Don't think your audience won't notice.   If you know that you know, they will too.

Need proof?  My favorite example is Ashley.  She was leaving the Resource Center on her way to a speech class when she passed my office with about 10 minutes to spare.  I asked her how she was doing and she told me she was  very nervous.  I asked her a couple of questions about her speech and she could see that she really did have her presentation down cold.  I gave her a couple of hints, but she had done her work well and realized it.  She instantly calmed down, and of course told me later that she did a great job.

I cannot tell you how many times as a magician I have to convince a volunteer to follow my directions exactly.  The way I gain trust and cooperation is the same way you will get the confidence of your audience.  Be assured that you are worth listening to.