Including or Inviting?

    It is typical to find a section on "inclusive language" in communication textbooks. Inclusive language is language that refers to people without dividing them by characteristics. In The Art of Public Speaking Steven Lucas uses the example of a business leaders who thanks the company employees and their spouses and partners. The underlying message: It doesn't matter who you are married to or live with, they all make the same sacrifices when employees work overtime. This type of language recognizes that different lives can receive the same recognition.

    What to do when the differences are the point of your message? You use inviting language. Not so much in the terms you use, but in the message itself. So you may not be able to say "We are going to change the world" when asking someone to join your cause, but you can say "Together we could change the world." This seems like common sense, but it is uncommon to hear a message that empathizes with others while disagreeing. Try it. It will help you avoid a lot of heated discussions while still making your point.

Award Icebreaker

Do you need a simple icebreaker? Here's one I have adapted for use in my Presentation Speaking course. It's a lot of fun, and should make the participants and the event more memorable. It will also help start things in a positive manner.

Have participants pair up and interview each other. But they should be looking for a theme. The idea is that rather than just introducing each other to the group, interview partners will create an imaginary award and present, using materials from their partners' lives. For example, one member of the group might be into mountain climbing, skiing, and skydiving. Their partner could create the "Daredevil" award for them.

This is a quick way to zero in on just one outstanding point in the life of a participant, and keeps the introductions short and on-track. Should people want to approach each other on your breaks, they already have conversation topics ready. Try it, you'll love the great mood it generates.

Polarize or Probe?

    You know there are people around you who profoundly disagree with you on matters of politics, religion, health, finance, morality, asthetics, cuisine, and sports. You are convinced that one or two of these items are matters of life or death. You are determined to enlighten your less advanced brethren (and sistern). You immediately begin speaking up. You encounter instant resistance and hostility. Time for a new approach.

    You want honest dialog, right? You would like your colleagues to see the error of their ways. Sooo...don't come out and declare yourself so quickly. When you walk up to someone and push them, there first reaction is to push back, right? You force them to take a strong stance. So it goes with discussions. Try this instead. Let's say that your friend is just convinced that candidate A is just about perfect. Start out closer to his position, using a statement like, "You're sure you're voting for A, aren't you? Would you say her views are exactly like yours on most issues?" Bring out a couple of differences in a cordial manner. Discuss these issues first. The key here is to identify possible points where your discussion partner does see weaknesses in their position, and to encourage them to spend time thinking about them.

    Warning here: DON"T OVERDO IT! Most of the effect of this type of discussion will be internal. If you appear to be pushing an advantage or gloating, it's Game Over. Just draw your friend into taking a look at another side of an issue. Considering how human beings actually operate, that is plenty to accomplish in one day. Never forget that you can always have another talk with someone you are getting along with.

Leave 'em hangin'

    Here's a good way to boost attention to your next speech or presentation. Start with a story that sets up the problem you are addressing. For instance, on of my students told the story of a baby who displayed all normal behaviors for his first few weeks of life, then stopped responding as expected. She went on to explain that he was suffering with autism. Her speech told us what autism is, who is affected by it, and possible causes. Only after we had followed her full talk did she reveal to us that the child she mentioned has been gradually improving, integrating well into the daily life of a youngster. We were drawn in to the speech and stayed with the speaker by the fact that the story was dramatic, and unfinished.

    How does this work? It's based on something called the Ziegarnik effect, described by a psychologist in the 1920's. Basically the Ziegarnik effect makes unfinished things easier to remember. So you start with a story, but do not tell us how it works out. That story stays in our minds, and we follow every word hoping for resolution. Meanwhile, you have us listening to all the other information we need.

    My Fun Friday advice this week? When you want to keep our attention, leave something unfinished. Use the Ziegar...

Don't Get Sick

You just have a few minutes to talk, or you don't want a discussion to devolve into an argument. Or you are teaching your kids what you believe, and you don't want them thrown off course by someone else's input too easily. Where do you turn? To the time-honored use of innoculation information.

Innoculation information is data you supply someone that prepares them to encounter beliefs other than their own. In its simplest form is consists of simply acknowledging the other viewpoint. "Yes, Timmy, we believe the astronauts landed on the moon, but some people think it was just a trick." Now your little boy isn't surprised or shaken when he hears this opinion from someone while you're not around.

But you can do better than this. If you actually give someone an argument that runs counter to the other opinion you are trying to avoid. A good example would be "Yes, I know Dan Brown put a little information about Jesus being married in his book 'The DaVinci Code.' But did you know that got the facts all wrong about the Dead Sea Scrolls?" And there you go. Before someone even picks up the book they are aware the fictional character's arguments are flawed. This greatly increases resistance to ideas as they are encountered. Of course this requires you as an opinion leader to follow two ethical principles: make sure your beliefs are sound, and make sure you can support your opinions.

The Many Faces of You

Today, let's try something that requires a little more audience partiticipation. It's an exercise designed to illustrate the many roles each individual plays in society. You will need to make sure that each participant has paper and pencil handy. Ask your listeners to put headings above sections of the paper for each group they're in. For instance, over one area  they might write "Family" and over another area "Work." They need to leave enough room to write additional material. After they have listed all their groups, they are to look at one group heading at a time, then list all the titles/roles they hold in that group. For instance, under family I might write: Son, Father, Brother, Husband, etc. Participants can either form small groups to discuss their lists or work together to form a larger list for the whole room.

I'd like to thank Steve Sheridan for the idea that started this exercise.

Remember Your Father

Today we'll branch out a little from speaking to writing. It's likely you'll have to do both at some time in your life, even if you only write an email to request customer service help from a company, or a short letter to accompany your resume. Maybe you're one of the people who consider themselves skilled with words. Maybe you're completely at a loss for a starting place. Whatever your comfort level, the systematic approach is best.

The time-honored formula for successful writing includes planning the piece, getting something written to work with, shaping the writing to your goal, and cleaning up grammar, spelling and punctuation. It is usually advisable to handle these items in this order. The steps are known respectively as Prewriting, Drafting, Revising, and Editing. You can remember this by using a little acronym I chose, PaDRE.

Prewriting involves deciding on the ideas that you want to include in your writing. You may use such tools as mindmapping or brainstorming to decide these items. You may just scratch out a few bullet points on scrap paper, or make a full outline.

Once you know what you want to write about, you begin. Go start to finish, and get something written or typed out, creating your draft. Do not stop to rework sections, or correct your writing at this point.

When the draft is done it will trigger more ideas, and you may see that you want to add, subtract, and move things quite a bit. That's not a sign of deficiency, it is how things get done. You refine your ideas and their expression at this stage, the revision.

If you are certain that you have arranged your writing the way you want it is time to proofread. Check out spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Remember that using a word processing program is no substitute for a thorough understanding of English and a complete check of your work.

You may feel you are good at turning a phrase, or cranking out pages of expressive copy, but this systematic method will give you a much stronger handle on your final output. Try it, you'll even impress yourself!