Say Something

Okay, I think I have entered the 21st century. I'm on Twitter and Instagram. I'm following some of the young, tech-inclined YouTube stars. Ever watch one of the early YouTube shows? They scream "amateur." Why? No preparation. One even has apologies at the end of the show for problems. They consist of people in front of a camera with no direction to their comments or conversation. In one case the "star" actually brought up something from Twitter then admitted that she had no idea what it was, as she had not checked it out. 

So don't bring it up. Other comments included news items like "Such and such company now has more money. What will they do? Could be this, could be that..." From the jumps you can tell that these little gems were actually the best, culled from all the rest in editing. 

Yikes. Kids, take it from an old hand. If you want to talk in front of people, have something to say. Plan a point, support it, and move on. A little rehearsal wouldn't hurt, either.

Oh What a Feeling

Reviewing the textbook I use to teach my basic college speaking course I found some advice that doesn't work for me. The author claims that part of using an emotional appeal in persuasion is to use emotional language. Now that statement suggests that you should use language that pushes hot buttons, or actually describes feelings you want your listeners to experience. 

This is a weak approach. Want proof? Watch a great chick flick, then watch a standard made-for-TV movie. Which one engages your emotions, and why? A talented filmmaker with a good cast will portray situations that raise emotions in viewers. But watch all the long closeups in the hack show where a character is supposed to be thinking something. No one moves, no one says anything, we have to fill in the feelings for ourselves, and guess the thoughts of the characters. On the sitcom Friends, the character Joey Tribiani describes this as "smell the fart acting." Make a face as if you are wondering where the odor is coming from, and let the viewer fill in the blanks. If you've got a real case for your position you don't need to coerce our feelings. Just make your case with evidence and examples and let us react. I didn't know what a puppy mill was until one of my students spoke on it for a class assignment. Briefly, a puppy mill confines breeding females in tiny cages and breeds them until they die. Often the puppies are unhealthy. Dealers who sell puppy mill puppies guarantee their health, not because they are healthy but because they'll gladly give you another if yours dies. 

When I learned this I had emotions, and when I repeat it to my students they experience the same emotions. But notice that I did not use the language of emotions, any more than great comedians spend their time saying things like "this is really funny," or "you're gonna laugh at this one..." If you've got a good case to make, do so. If you can convince me you are right your work is done. But my emotions will change frequently. Don't rely on them.

Gentle Persuasion

I've heard a lot of people lately wondering how to reach friends, neighbors, and coworkers with radically different opinions from their own. It sometimes seems that discussions become arguments, family gatherings turn into shouting matches. Here are a couple of things to remember about persuasion. First, it takes time, and second, your listener must do some of this work. Let's apply these. You may have a coworker that completely objects to your political opinions. You are supporting opposing candidates for governor. You could debate your friend (plan to keep this friendly), listing every pro and con for each candidate. 

That is a lot of work. It will require you to keep up on all aspects of every issue. And you will be drawn into side arguments. It's also a poor use of your time on the job, and certainly not a fun lunchtime topic. 

Take some of the heat off yourself. What is it you like about your candidate? Let's say it's a tax policy. 

When you are called upon for your opinion, simply point to a principle you stand for. You might say, "Tax strategy x has always been effective." You are narrowing your field, and commenting on a general principle. You are also implying, "Hey, I would vote for your candidate if your candidate followed this principle." You have taken a lot personality out of the discussion, and relied on something that is easier to support. Now for the hard part. Stop talking. There is an old saying in sales. You ask the customer to buy, and the next person to speaks owns the product. Just let your point sink in and forget about it. Give your listener a chance to mull over your comment at a later time. They would rather draw their own conclusions, and get credit for doing their own conclusions. Remember the old adage that "A little bit goes a long way." Now there's a little boy watching me persuading me to let him visit the Lego website.

The Power of "I"

We've all heard that we should avoid talking about ourselves. As a general rule this is a way to avoid appearing self-centered, which is a good thing. But there is time to break this rule, and this is when it will avoid confrontations with clients and coworkers. How does this work? 

 In conversations, just as in physics, each action has an equal and opposite reaction. You push me I push you, you pull on one end of the rope I pull on the other. This is not what we want when we have not met a customer's expectations. So where does the focus on self come in? It works in a positive way when you place the responsibility for the situation on yourself. Imagine you are serving food at a restaurant and as you lay out lunch for a table one diner becomes irritated with you. "I wanted tuna salad, not chicken salad," he barks. Now you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he said chicken. The woman with him said "I'll have that too," and is already three bites in to her sandwich with no complaints. 

Remember your big goal here is to get a tip. Winning an argument won't put a dime in your pocket. So instead of saying "You said chicken, but I'll change it for you no problem," you don't push back. Don't put the responsibility on him. Try this instead. Don't grimace or smirk. Pick the plate up and say "I'm sorry I brought you the wrong thing. I'll get this changed as quickly as possible." No arguments. You may still get a gruff comment or two, but you haven't provoked your customer any further. And you ARE sorry it was the wrong sandwich, whatever the reason. In some cases your partner in the transaction will actually realize later that they have made a mistake. This will not always work. But arguing with clients is a losing proposition. If you've got documentation you may sometimes need to say, "I'm sorry, you did sign a contract listing 1 PM as the start of the show," but do not ever forget that your ultimate goal is to earn money. Theirs. And they won't give it to someone they resent.

The Sweaty Palms

It's your turn. You couldn't get out of this. You've been asked to speak, or show everyone that card trick you learned at home, or report to the executives on the status of your project. You don't like it. You're not alone. I've had college students finish a speech and rush out of the classroom to throw up somewhere more convenient. There are two things that help alleviate most of this fear, and the students who overcome their fear will attest to these methods. 

 First, prepare. Yes, I know there is a website filled with fair-to-good advice that advocates minimal preparation, but this is a bad idea for most speakers. When you really know your material cold you will be able to deliver in a much more natural manner. You won't spend your mental energy on recall, but on expression. When you think you have your points memorized you are ready to start another level of rehearsal. You can reach the stage where your main points are as easy to recall as your name, address, and phone number. This will create confidence for you and release you to began experimenting with your delivery style. What freedom! 

 The second point is one I haven't seen on websites or in textbooks, but it's a key strategy. Make sure your focus is on your audience. Let's say you are standing up in front of a group to explain to them the importance of a healthy diet. Is it important that you speak flawlessly? The priority is the health of your listeners, right? You have valuable information for them. If wearing a silly hat with carrots and tomatoes all over it would convince them to eat more vegetables wouldn't you do it? So stop worrying about how you are percieved and focus on the needs of your listeners. If you are truly prepared, this change of focus can quickly calm you down. As an untalented, untrained choir member who has had to sing solos in nursing homes before I can vouch for this approach. Yes, there are other items that will help you overcome your fear of standing up in front of a group, but these two are the most basic, and the best starting point.