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“Never let ‘em see you sweat.” – Anti-perspirant commercial.
Early in this series I am going to give you one of the biggest secrets to overcoming your fear of speaking: They won’t know you’re nervous if you don’t tell them. This is great news for you, because you are going to draw attention to your message, and not yourself – see the next blog entry for details. That means you won’t stand up and say “Oh, I am so nervous”, “I just hate doing this”, or “I’ve never done this before”.
If you did the homework I assigned in the last blog you know how to prep in such a way that you have your speech memorized and at your fingertips. In the next bog you will learn how to be confident that you message is important to your audience. For now we will assume that your listeners are interested – they want to hear what you have to say. Don’t derail that flow of attention by diverting back to your personal circumstance. No one came to hear about your inner turmoil. Yes, there are a few tells that might indicate nerves, but they can be minimized.
Are your hands shaking? Rest one on the podium or use it to hold a notepad or other item that might hold a short speech outline. Gesture with it. You might even pass it from hand to hand at times, giving you a chance to steady both hands.
Is your voice wavering? Pump up the volume. Put some real force behind it.
Whatever you do, keep talking. Get your message across.
After the first couple of minutes you will find the nerves subside quite a bit, if you have prepared well. Yes, you will always be a little nervous before every speech you give, but every time you finish strong you will reinforce your belief that you can speak in front of a group.
This entry I am giving you a pass on the homework, but it will be back. Until then, pick out a favorite joke or fun fact, and tell it in front of the largest group you can find, in the lunchroom, the fellowship hall, or even waiting in line to pay for your groceries.
Let me know in the comments what the result was.
Take my hand. I am about to lead you away from the trap we all fall into from time to time: the vocalized pause. You have heard famous people caught in it – the use of um and other filler syllables. Yikes! What’s happening with these?
We tend to use filler when we are afraid we will lose things, either the audience, our train of thought or both. It may seem to us as if a pause in speaking stretches out for a long time and the listeners will grow restless. Or that hearing our own words will help us remember what came next. The problem of forgetting a speech shouldn’t come up for us, since we have learned how to easily learn the content we have planned in the last blog entry.
What about that audience attention span? They are likely to stay with you for as long as they think there is something to be gained. If you keep them anticipating you can afford short pauses. The breaks will give the group time to absorb the points you have already made. They will signal the start of a new point. They will mark each statement as important enough to think about.
How do you break free? Here is a plan based on the homework you did when you set up your main points. Practice stating your thesis as a single sentence, then silently count to three. Speak your first main point in one sentence, and count again. Do this several times to cover your thesis and main points. Be sure to end each statement with a falling, not rising inflection. If you make everything sound like a question you will sound like you are asking the audience’s approval. You are not asking, you are telling. Make your point, let it hit home, then move on. If you get used to doing this you should be able to replace um with nothing more than a very brief silence. Instead of losing your audience you will win them over with your confidence. Be bold. Be heard.
Want to get better at speaking in a hurry? Do it as often as you can. Feel like you're not ready? Don't worry, that feeling is partly wrong. You will always feel a bit of it. More on that later. For now, just get started.
How? Ask for volunteers from your group of family and friends. Put a bunch of stuffed animals on a couch if you have to. But gather an audience. The point is to speak out loud. Do it from only a small set of notes (if you must use notes at all).
Why does it have to be out loud? You are checking yourself out, and there are some things you have to hear. How strong is your voice? Are you delivering in a monotone? Can you pronounce all the words in your material? Are you saying "um" a lot? Find out now, before these all become bad habits.
There is a funny connection between the things that make you feel confident and the things that make your audience believe in you. They are the same. That's right. Psychology tells us that your feeling of confidence comes from feeling competent and feeling worthy. And your credibility with an audience comes when they judge that you are capable enough to talk about your subject and that you are a good enough person to tell them the truth. Do you see the connection? The first is how you view yourself in two areas, the second is how the audience rates you on the same scales. This means that you can boost your confidence and your credibility with your listeners at the same time.
Sure, Dean, but HOW? Prep. Make sure you do know what you're talking about. Be ethical enough to give the audience enough accurate information to leave your talk or presentation informed or persuaded beyond doubt. Be prepared enough to present in a lively, interesting manner. This is one of the reasons that putting in the work well before a speech helps calm your nerves. Yes, you will still a bit jittery but that is not the same as feeling lost because you are not ready to go on stage. Prep early, then your last-minute rehearsals actually remind you that you can recall and deliver your material like a pro. Everything will come naturally, intonations, gestures, eye contact will all flow. Don't think your audience won't notice. If you know that you know, they will too.
Need proof? My favorite example is Ashley. She was leaving the Resource Center on her way to a speech class when she passed my office with about 10 minutes to spare. I asked her how she was doing and she told me she was very nervous. I asked her a couple of questions about her speech and she could see that she really did have her presentation down cold. I gave her a couple of hints, but she had done her work well and realized it. She instantly calmed down, and of course told me later that she did a great job.
I cannot tell you how many times as a magician I have to convince a volunteer to follow my directions exactly. The way I gain trust and cooperation is the same way you will get the confidence of your audience. Be assured that you are worth listening to.
