If You Believe, They Believe

There is a funny connection between the things that make you feel confident and the things that make your audience believe in you.  They are the same.  That's right.  Psychology tells us that your feeling of confidence comes from feeling competent and feeling worthy.  And your credibility with an audience comes when they judge that you are capable enough to talk about your subject and that you are a good enough person to tell them the truth.  Do you see the connection?  The first is how you view yourself in two areas, the second is how the audience rates you on the same scales.  This means that you can boost your confidence and your credibility with your listeners at the same time.

Sure, Dean, but HOW?  Prep.  Make sure you do know what you're talking about.  Be ethical enough to give the audience enough accurate information to leave your talk or presentation informed or persuaded beyond doubt.  Be prepared enough to present in a lively, interesting manner.  This is one of the reasons that putting in the work well before a speech helps calm your nerves.  Yes, you will still a bit jittery but that is not the same as  feeling lost because you are not ready to go on stage.  Prep early, then your last-minute rehearsals actually remind you that you can recall and deliver your material like a pro.  Everything will come naturally, intonations, gestures, eye contact will all flow.  Don't think your audience won't notice.   If you know that you know, they will too.

Need proof?  My favorite example is Ashley.  She was leaving the Resource Center on her way to a speech class when she passed my office with about 10 minutes to spare.  I asked her how she was doing and she told me she was  very nervous.  I asked her a couple of questions about her speech and she could see that she really did have her presentation down cold.  I gave her a couple of hints, but she had done her work well and realized it.  She instantly calmed down, and of course told me later that she did a great job.

I cannot tell you how many times as a magician I have to convince a volunteer to follow my directions exactly.  The way I gain trust and cooperation is the same way you will get the confidence of your audience.  Be assured that you are worth listening to.

Take Notes! (To Your Presentation)

One class I teach lasts four days and has two textbooks with a total of over 600 pages.  At the end of the class there is a 25-question post-test.  We prep all week for the test, but it is open book.  I'll bet you can guess what happens on the last day.  That's right.  A few of the students don't study so they try to find the answer to every question somewhere in the two books, while the majority of the class sits and waits for them to finish.  Do they pass?  Usually, but it's a painful process.

This happens because they rely too much on the pages in front of them.  Don't make the same mistake when you speak.  Take your notes with you as a last resort and a prop.  I like to write out a thesis sentence at the top of a 4x6" card in Sharpie, then write the keyword from each of my main points below, and finish with a sentence from my conclusion at the bottom.  This gives me just one card to carry with big letters I can read even if my glasses are smudged.  I sometimes prop this on something near me and the audience does not even know I have it.  Once in a while I will take my glasses off while turning to face the other side of the auditorium, and I can still glance at the card long enough to remind myself of my next point.

Here is my recommended way to use notes:  Make sure you know your material, then boil it down to a few notes you can read with a quick glance.  Even if you do forget a bit of your speech, you want create a long pause trying to find your place in copious notes.  This kind of confusion only creates more stress for you, and makes your presentation seem choppy or disjointed.  There is no substitute for knowing your material, but notes that are ready to move you along are a great confidence booster.

Release Your Mind from Unrealistic Goals

I hope this is one of the first posts you read when you come to my blog.  I am going to give you all types of guidance, knowledge, tips, and tricks that will help you grow your confidence but believe with all my heart that if you start out by thinking along the right lines you will hit the ground running.

In my experience, which includes teaching speech to hundreds of adult learners, the idea most people have is that speaking involves writing out a presentation word-for-word, memorizing it, and then delivering it almost verbatim.  If this is what you think you need to do you may be anxious as well. What I want to do here is outline a different approach. My goal is to lift a lot of that burden right off your shoulders.

The first notion you should let go of is the goal of giving a word-perfect delivery of some written out message.  The longest part of you speech should be a conversational delivery of your main points. If you plan on conveying meaning rather than memorized text you will be more relaxed, sound more relaxed, and connect more fully with your audience.  You will also be able to practice your speech in more ways.

For a minute let’s pretend that you have a great plan in place for your introduction and conclusion.  All you need to do is make sure you are ready to present your main points. You will need to practice the entire body of you speech, but you can get extra practice in by reviewing your main points quickly when you are not tied to a specific wording.

One of the problems of memorizing a speech and delivering it exactly as written is the fact that often if you lose your place you will have a hard time picking up again.  You will listen to yourself, counting on each sentence to remind you of the next. This is not a good way to calm your nerves. If you rely on a few sentences to carry a meaning you can build around then you simply have to track “I’m on my second point”.  Let’s look at how simple this approach can make your plan. Imagine that you will be giving a talk to persuade your listeners to avoid smoking. You might gather statistics, definitions of health conditions, anecdotes of people who have enjoyed quitting, and other support.  But you could boil down your message to three sentences as main points:

You should quit smoking for your health.

You should quit smoking for the health of those you love.

You should quit smoking to save money.

That’s a pretty easy bit to memorize.  These points should be enough to get you going.  Obviously if you have gathered facts about the health risks of smoking you will know to mention them with the first point, and statistics on the costs of smoking would go with the third.  You see how a strong simple structure like this can hold things together in your mind.

I’m not done simplifying yet.  Notice that all three of those points have similar wording.  You could just say “You should quit smoking to save your health, family, and budget,” making the three points into keywords.  The secret to making this work is to know something about your subject, so that anyone of these sentences reminds you of the things you know.

Do you see what freedom this brings you?  Imagine that you are disagreeing with a friend about which restaurant to buy lunch at.  You would make the point “I don’t want to eat at Bleccho’s, the last time I got sick.” If your friend persists you could and “And besides, they’re too expensive.”  All stuff you already knew, brought to mind as needed by the situation. There is really just a short leap from this little argument to a short persuasive speech. A third friend comes along and wants to know that you are discussing.  Now you do give a short speech. It goes like this:

“We are trying to decide where to eat.  She wants to go to Bleccho’s but I don’t.  I got sick there last time and couldn’t eat anything else for three days. And it costs way too much.  I spent fifteen dollar there last time for a sandwich with some chips. I think we should go to Fumigan’s.”

You are already fully capable of giving speeches about things you really understand and care about.  Keep this in mind as you prepare. Hold yourself to some good standards as you prepare, just make sure they are the right standards.

In-depth Resource

Let me start off by saying that I am an not Amazon Associate.

This is a book that was sent to me for review by the publisher when I was teaching communication at a private college, and I was able to compare this text to others.

Speak Up! has gone through several editions.  It is conversational in style, with many line drawings as illustrations and examples.  There is a lot to learn from the illustrations alone.  I found myself drifting from one to the next and picking up concepts quickly.  Yes, It is easy to read, but does go in depth into technical details.  If you would like to get into the technical details of speaking with a book that is clear, this is the one.

Speak Up! contains a lot of practical material, and if you want to buy just one book on speaking then move on to other things, this is the one.

The Sweaty Palms

It's your turn. You couldn't get out of this. You've been asked to speak, or show everyone that card trick you learned at home, or report to the executives on the status of your project. You don't like it. You're not alone. I've had college students finish a speech and rush out of the classroom to throw up somewhere more convenient. There are two things that help alleviate most of this fear, and the students who overcome their fear will attest to these methods. 

 First, prepare. Yes, I know there is a website filled with fair-to-good advice that advocates minimal preparation, but this is a bad idea for most speakers. When you really know your material cold you will be able to deliver in a much more natural manner. You won't spend your mental energy on recall, but on expression. When you think you have your points memorized you are ready to start another level of rehearsal. You can reach the stage where your main points are as easy to recall as your name, address, and phone number. This will create confidence for you and release you to began experimenting with your delivery style. What freedom! 

 The second point is one I haven't seen on websites or in textbooks, but it's a key strategy. Make sure your focus is on your audience. Let's say you are standing up in front of a group to explain to them the importance of a healthy diet. Is it important that you speak flawlessly? The priority is the health of your listeners, right? You have valuable information for them. If wearing a silly hat with carrots and tomatoes all over it would convince them to eat more vegetables wouldn't you do it? So stop worrying about how you are percieved and focus on the needs of your listeners. If you are truly prepared, this change of focus can quickly calm you down. As an untalented, untrained choir member who has had to sing solos in nursing homes before I can vouch for this approach. Yes, there are other items that will help you overcome your fear of standing up in front of a group, but these two are the most basic, and the best starting point.

Make it Stop

 “See,” said the applicant, “there are three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and your company’s way. I have to figure out what the right way is and tell them that. They have to know what really works.” He was interviewing for a job introducing a company’s latest commercial line of climate control microcontrollers.

“Yeah, a week, I’ll know your product, whichever one you guys train on.” The company has a full line of scaled climate systems, plus ancillary lines of humidifiers and air filters.

He was not invited to a second interview.

I am not sure why, but many people interview for a job as if they don’t need one. This is just one example of several a professional acquaintance of mine could tell you about.

In a couple of instances the answer to tell me about yourself and why you would be a good fit for the company turned into a three-minute monologue, with no connection to the job opening.

A job interview is a series of questions and answers, but you can help yourself by thinking of it as a set of small speeches. Every speech should have a main idea, and for these speeches the main idea should be “Here’s why I would be great in this job.” You are not in the room to tell the interviewer how the company should be run. You are not there to show how much wiser you are (see the examples above).

Now it is very possible that the people I am referring to were not interested in the jobs they were interviewing for, but let’s assume they were. How could they have easily improved their answers? By thinking of their job interview as a sales pitch in miniature. How would that work?

Very simple – ask the customer what they want and demonstrate that you have it. Working through a recruiter usually gets the first part. A job posting sometimes has enough information, but there is no reason not to ask for clarification during an interview. The rest is just a matter of finding parts of your skills, training, and experience the meet the job requirements. Formulate your answers as clear two- to three-sentence speeches. Longer answers are okay occasionally, but limit them. And above all, keep it brief. I flipped through an old notebook the other day with notes from an interview in which the candidate would quiz us, almost literally tell us he was smarter than us, then proceed to lecture for three minutes at a pop. This went on for forty minutes. The last line in my notes on the candidate? “Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!”
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The Power of "I"

We've all heard that we should avoid talking about ourselves. As a general rule this is a way to avoid appearing self-centered, which is a good thing. But there is time to break this rule, and this is when it will avoid confrontations with clients and coworkers. How does this work? 

 In conversations, just as in physics, each action has an equal and opposite reaction. You push me I push you, you pull on one end of the rope I pull on the other. This is not what we want when we have not met a customer's expectations. So where does the focus on self come in? It works in a positive way when you place the responsibility for the situation on yourself. Imagine you are serving food at a restaurant and as you lay out lunch for a table one diner becomes irritated with you. "I wanted tuna salad, not chicken salad," he barks. Now you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he said chicken. The woman with him said "I'll have that too," and is already three bites in to her sandwich with no complaints. 

Remember your big goal here is to get a tip. Winning an argument won't put a dime in your pocket. So instead of saying "You said chicken, but I'll change it for you no problem," you don't push back. Don't put the responsibility on him. Try this instead. Don't grimace or smirk. Pick the plate up and say "I'm sorry I brought you the wrong thing. I'll get this changed as quickly as possible." No arguments. You may still get a gruff comment or two, but you haven't provoked your customer any further. And you ARE sorry it was the wrong sandwich, whatever the reason. In some cases your partner in the transaction will actually realize later that they have made a mistake. This will not always work. But arguing with clients is a losing proposition. If you've got documentation you may sometimes need to say, "I'm sorry, you did sign a contract listing 1 PM as the start of the show," but do not ever forget that your ultimate goal is to earn money. Theirs. And they won't give it to someone they resent.

Yeah, so..Interviews

Recently I listened to two interviews back-to-back. They were episodes from different podcasts, and each highlighted a different author. They had one thing in common. The guest  began every answer with "yeah" on one and "so" on the other. Every answer.  It was not quite as bad a sprinkling "um" throughout sentences, but it was still noticeable. 

I believe this can sometimes happen when we are not sure how are answer will transition from the question. But answering a prompt like "Tell us about your favorite marketing techniques" with "Yeah" is unnecessary. A better transition could be "That's a great question," or "I'm glad you asked". Since you are responding to a question or prompt the listener already sees the connection, you usually could just launch into your answer.

Being direct and decisive with your presentation will make you sound more confident, so try to abandon the use of repeated filler words no matter which they are.

Dean Paczewitz

Gentle Persuasion

I've heard a lot of people lately wondering how to reach friends, neighbors, and coworkers with radically different opinions from their own. It sometimes seems that discussions become arguments, family gatherings turn into shouting matches. Here are a couple of things to remember about persuasion. First, it takes time, and second, your listener must do some of this work. Let's apply these. You may have a coworker that completely objects to your political opinions. You are supporting opposing candidates for governor. You could debate your friend (plan to keep this friendly), listing every pro and con for each candidate. 

That is a lot of work. It will require you to keep up on all aspects of every issue. And you will be drawn into side arguments. It's also a poor use of your time on the job, and certainly not a fun lunchtime topic. 

Take some of the heat off yourself. What is it you like about your candidate? Let's say it's a tax policy. 

When you are called upon for your opinion, simply point to a principle you stand for. You might say, "Tax strategy x has always been effective." You are narrowing your field, and commenting on a general principle. You are also implying, "Hey, I would vote for your candidate if your candidate followed this principle." You have taken a lot personality out of the discussion, and relied on something that is easier to support. Now for the hard part. Stop talking. There is an old saying in sales. You ask the customer to buy, and the next person to speaks owns the product. Just let your point sink in and forget about it. Give your listener a chance to mull over your comment at a later time. They would rather draw their own conclusions, and get credit for doing their own conclusions. Remember the old adage that "A little bit goes a long way." Now there's a little boy watching me persuading me to let him visit the Lego website.

Oh What a Feeling

Reviewing the textbook I use to teach my basic college speaking course I found some advice that doesn't work for me. The author claims that part of using an emotional appeal in persuasion is to use emotional language. Now that statement suggests that you should use language that pushes hot buttons, or actually describes feelings you want your listeners to experience. 

This is a weak approach. Want proof? Watch a great chick flick, then watch a standard made-for-TV movie. Which one engages your emotions, and why? A talented filmmaker with a good cast will portray situations that raise emotions in viewers. But watch all the long closeups in the hack show where a character is supposed to be thinking something. No one moves, no one says anything, we have to fill in the feelings for ourselves, and guess the thoughts of the characters. On the sitcom Friends, the character Joey Tribiani describes this as "smell the fart acting." Make a face as if you are wondering where the odor is coming from, and let the viewer fill in the blanks. If you've got a real case for your position you don't need to coerce our feelings. Just make your case with evidence and examples and let us react. I didn't know what a puppy mill was until one of my students spoke on it for a class assignment. Briefly, a puppy mill confines breeding females in tiny cages and breeds them until they die. Often the puppies are unhealthy. Dealers who sell puppy mill puppies guarantee their health, not because they are healthy but because they'll gladly give you another if yours dies. 

When I learned this I had emotions, and when I repeat it to my students they experience the same emotions. But notice that I did not use the language of emotions, any more than great comedians spend their time saying things like "this is really funny," or "you're gonna laugh at this one..." If you've got a good case to make, do so. If you can convince me you are right your work is done. But my emotions will change frequently. Don't rely on them.

Say Something

Okay, I think I have entered the 21st century. I'm on Twitter and Instagram. I'm following some of the young, tech-inclined YouTube stars. Ever watch one of the early YouTube shows? They scream "amateur." Why? No preparation. One even has apologies at the end of the show for problems. They consist of people in front of a camera with no direction to their comments or conversation. In one case the "star" actually brought up something from Twitter then admitted that she had no idea what it was, as she had not checked it out. 

So don't bring it up. Other comments included news items like "Such and such company now has more money. What will they do? Could be this, could be that..." From the jumps you can tell that these little gems were actually the best, culled from all the rest in editing. 

Yikes. Kids, take it from an old hand. If you want to talk in front of people, have something to say. Plan a point, support it, and move on. A little rehearsal wouldn't hurt, either.

This Blog's for You

This blog is for you if you have had an experience like the one I went through early in my career. 

I was standing at the back of a room, shaking, sick to my stomach, distracted with fear. What horrible thing was happening to me? My dream was coming true. 

You see I had been hired to perform one of my first professional magic shows and I was terrified. I knew my tricks, and I knew what I planned to say to my audience, but I was scared of them. I wanted to die, and I vowed that I would never try to become a paid entertainer again. Fortunately, I found a better solution. I powered through the show that night, then discovered the principles that allowed me to present successfully in spite of the nervous energy that creeps up on even the most experienced speakers. Learning these has enabled me to speak in front of hundreds of strangers, appear on camera, and lead seminars that last for days. I taugh these principles to hundreds of college students in public speaking classes.  I would like to share them with you here. 

This blog is for you if: 

• You are afraid to speak in front of people, or on camera, but you want to. 
• You don't have large reserves of time or money to spend on training. 
• You want tried-and-true methods that will help you speak confidently. 

Great candidates to follow this blog are: the "mompreneur" who wants to sell on-camera, or the would-be Bible study leader who gets the shakes when more than two people are listening in. 

In the upcoming weeks I will publish posts that will show you how to change the way you think about speaking situations, and change your approach to them. We will work through some of the homework you should do before you stand in front of a room, and show you how simple it can often be. Speaking should not be a burden, and preparing for a speech should not be drudgery. You will see why one of the sayings I will use is "Be bold. Be heard." Get started by following to keep up with the upcoming posts.