I is for Impression

Here's another way to phrase statements that will help you get past the automatic defenses we all raise when we hear something we don't like.  The technique is to leave room for you listeners to disagree with you and still be right.  Leave them the opportunity to contradict you without feeling they are creating a confrontation.  There is a straightforward way to do this:  Make a statement that presents your point of view and your reasons, rather than a flat pronouncement.  You can utilize a form of the "I" statement for this.

There are times when I observe a student in my classroom who makes very little eye contact, frequently looks at the door, and fidgets quite a lot.  One way to sum up the situation in speaking with the student could be to say "You're not paying attention."  You can imagine the replies I would get - anything from "Yes I am" to "I already know this stuff."

This is usually my approach:  "I get the impression you have other things on your mind."  If the student asks for a reason I can mention the behaviors I observed.  In the case of at least one student I was dealing with a case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I found this out because the student was willing to open up to me.  I doubt I would have reached that point by verbally slapping him at our first meeting.

The pattern to follow is to allow part of your statement to be subjective.  Rather than state that such-and-such is a fact, you state why you think is true.  The listener can then bring other facts to light, or correct your reasoning without thinking they are flatly contradicting  you.  You have practically invited them to respond.  The lines of communication remain open.